Do you struggle with low self-esteem, self-worth issues, and insecurity?
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It’s normal to have a day or even days in which you feel insecure, and you feel as if you can’t do anything right.
However, feeling insecure about yourself all the time can leave you feeling exhausted.
But why do we feel unworthy and insecure? I honestly have not met any person who wasn’t insecure about themselves.
Even those who seem perfect and earn a lot of money have their insecurities.
Insecurities and unworthiness can start in our childhood. As a child, were you ever compared to your siblings or your parents’ friends’ children?
In my early school years, I was slow to learn. I didn’t know what the problem was at the time, but today I know it was because of my ADD diagnosis.
My mum couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just seem to understand the stuff everyone else could.
I had private tutors, and I remember spending hours studying, but it was never enough. I was always behind everyone else in my class.
I remember that I felt unworthy of being loved because my younger sister had an easier time in school than I did.
She had an easier time making friends, she wasn’t bullied, and she got A’s for not doing much, to be honest.
I felt insecure, unworthy and frustrated. I couldn’t understand why I had to put in all that work and only get C’s or B’s most of the time.
So yes, your family can make you feel insecure and unworthy, even if they aren’t trying to do it.
My mum didn’t know how she made me feel.
The feelings of unworthiness and insecurity turned into stress and anxiety because I wasn’t living up to my parents’ expectations. No matter how hard I tried to do this.
Have you ever felt like this with your parents? I would love to know in the comments below.
Social media and body image
When social media started becoming a thing, it wasn’t really that much of a deal.
However, in the last 10 years, social media has become a huge thing in everyone’s daily life.
If you are not a part of this or that you won’t be able to keep up with your family or friends.
Social media can be both good and bad.
If you work online, being able to manipulate and use social media and make money off of them is absolutely unbelievable. But I mostly believe that social media is not doing anyone any good.
We are so used to seeing edited pictures of our friends’ lives online, that we actually believe that those lives are perfect and amazing.
This makes us feel that our own life is just… well, not. It makes you feel sad, that you can’t afford to go on holiday, that you don’t look like that girl on a beach in Bali.
In my opinion, social media is creating a false body image.
So many celebrities, influencers, and even normal people post pictures of bodies that aren’t even humanly possible or achievable.
Every picture is edited, filtered, and fixed to make it look absolutely perfect, and what does that do to our self-esteem and insecurities? Nothing good, I promise.
It has become a game what with commenting on other people’s pictures hoping that they will comment on yours in return.
If you don’t receive as many comments and likes on your photos as some of your friends do, it gets in the way of your self-confidence.
Seeing something like this on social media is where people start feeling insecure. They wonder why their lives can’t be like that and why they can’t afford it.
Do you ever feel insecure and unworthy because of social media? Let me know in the comments below.
Society is another reason why a lot of people feel insecure.
There is a lot of expectations from society and what we have to do with our lives.
In Denmark, we have this saying: “Volvo, vovse, and villa”. It basically means car, dog and house.
Danish people expect you to have a car, house, dog, family, and career by the time you are 30-35, and if you don’t, you get those weird looks from your friends.
I get asked all the time when I am going to settle down with a boyfriend and have children, and when I tell my friends that I don’t want to have children, they look at me funny. Like there’s something wrong with me.
I have known since I was a child, that I don’t want children of my own.
I don’t want to end up like one of those mums who put the rest of their life to the side for her children. I respect mothers who do this, but that is not me and it has never been me.
I want to travel. I want to travel the world, and I am not sure I want to stop at that.
If I find someone (boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever they may be) who aspire to do the same thing, then that would be great.
But I don’t want to do what everyone else does, just because society expects it of me. Let’s be honest here, I have never been like everyone else.
Society is yet another way to make you feel insecure if you don’t want what everyone else wants you to want. Makes sense?
If you don’t do what your family expects of you, they might get angry and frustrated with you, because they don’t understand your line of thought.
Are you doing something that society, or your family, doesn’t want you to do? Let me know in the comments below.
How to overcome and cope with low self-esteem and insecurity?
Dealing with low self-esteem and insecurities all the time can be exhausting and difficult to live with.
It can prevent you from opportunities and also prevent you from doing what you truly want.
Low self-esteem and insecurity can ruin relationships with both your partner, friends, and family.
If we break it down completely, low self-esteem is when you see yourself negatively. It’s when you see yourself as inadequate, unacceptable, unworthy, unlovable, and incompetent.
Having these beliefs about yourself will create negative, self-critical thoughts that will eventually affect your behavior and your life choices.
Stop being a perfectionist
Have you ever thought about the fact, that people who have high self-esteem are not perfectionists?
These people usually always push themselves to do their absolute best, but they also accept that they are not perfect and that they will probably mess up along the way.
Several studies suggest that people with low self-esteem have a higher tendency to set unrealistic expectations for themselves. And for others.
People with low self-esteem tend to be much harder on themselves than people with high self-esteem.
While it’s not healthy for anyone to set unrealistic and too high expectations, you still need to set expectations for yourself.
But you can set SMART goals. Keep reading to learn more about this.
Set SMART goals
If you make your goals and accomplishments as specific as possible, you will achieve greater results.
You can also break down your goals and create milestones for yourself.
When you achieve smaller goals along the way, it will encourage you to keep going for the big goal.
You need to remember to celebrate your milestones. Give yourself small rewards for achieving these small goals.
You can plan for a big reward, once you have reached your end goal.
If you set impossible goals this will also lower your self-esteem and self-worth if you don’t reach these goals.
By breaking them down into smaller steps, it will seem more manageable to achieve.
Turn your self-hatred around
Self-hatred is a strong word for many people, but the truth is that a lot of people hate themselves.
Self-hatred is when you are feeling angry and frustrated with who you are and also an inability to forgive yourself for even the smallest mistake.
Change your internal dialogue
Are you an internal critic? The first step to turning self-hatred around is to silence the voice in your head.
You can do this by consciously making yourself repeat a positive response for every negative thought you have about yourself.
If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, then why do you say it to yourself?
Forgive yourself for mistakes
No one is perfect! I will repeat this to the end of time, but no one is perfect!
Have you done something you regret now? It doesn’t make you a bad or awful person.
Doing something good doesn’t necessarily make you a saint either.
Everyone has made mistakes in their lives.
No one has gone through life without doing something they regret now. If you can learn to forgive your mistakes, it will go a long way.
Learn to take constructive criticism
This is something that most people don’t want to talk about.
No one wants to admit that they are too sensitive, but the truth is that people with low self-esteem generally are.
Maybe you feel frustrated by criticism or you feel completely demolished by any comment that’s directed at you.
If you already have low self-esteem, criticism isn’t going to make you feel any better, but it can help you become a better you.
Really listen to what’s being said
If you really listen, you can find out whether a critical comment is true or not.
Then you can decide how you feel about the comment.
Stand up for yourself
If you feel as if the criticism is unfair, say that you disagree, but explain why in a calm way.
Don’t start explaining yourself the moment you get some constructive criticism. Listen first.
Figure out whether there is some truth to the comment.
If there is, learn from what’s being said and change your routine, rather than feeling offended by the comment.
Don’t replay a comment over and over, when you get home from school or work.
Move on by accepting the comment, making the changes necessary and then release the comment from your head.
Express your anger in a healthy way
Often, when you have low self-esteem, you also feel angry.
Anger is a normal emotion, but when you have low self-esteem this is something that can build up over time.
Repressed hurt and anger can, unfortunately, trigger outbursts of fury, by something seemingly small to everyone else.
Learn how to remain calm
Don’t ignore your feelings.
If you are in a situation that is making you feel angry, hurt or frustrated, try to explain to people why you are feeling this way.
Though try to do it without exploding.
Remove yourself from the situation
If the above doesn’t seem to help, then the best option is to remove yourself completely.
Step away from the situation and use a breathing technique for a few minutes to help calm yourself down.
Consider going into therapy
Low self-esteem can be extremely difficult to deal with on your own.
Psychological therapies like counseling or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you build confidence.
Your doctor can help you find reliable therapists.
However, you can also find a private therapist. Though, private therapists usually cost more if you haven’t been referred by your doctor.
Online therapy is also a great way to get started, as you don’t have to actually show up face to face.
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